Would you believe that when I left my office today, I was confronted by THIS?
No, that's not my exact tire. But that's exactly what it looked like.
Yep, it's flat.
Yep, I was supposed to pick up kids 25 minutes after I noticed this.
Anyhoo. While I waited for TJ the Roadside Assistance Maverick to arrive, I summoned Jeff the Intern to the 4th floor of the parking garage to see if we could expedite the tire-changing process. Because, seriously, how hard could it be?
But then TJ showed up, and 'twasn't long before Jeff and TJ and I began pondering positive tidbits to be taken from this little adventure. Because, let me tell you, it was that or swear a whole hell of a lot. Which is, in fact, what I told Jeff I'd be doing when he agreed to be complicit in the Watch-Liz-Attempt-To-Change-A-Tire-Herself-And-Be-Encouraging-All-The-While experience.
To which he responded, "OK. And I might cuss a lot." And I was like, "Uhhhhhmm, I think we're saying the same thing." But then I started loudly swearing again so I never really confirmed that we were saying the same thing. But we were. I think.
Without further ado, I give to you:
THE POSITIVE TIDBITS DERIVED FROM THE FLAT TIRE DEBACLE:
1. The tire did not go flat whilst I was cruising down the highway. I mean, can you imagine how jarring that would have been? To have been all immersed in my last 24 minutes of "me" time, singing at the top of my lungs to a little Eminem or Stevie Nicks (don't judge), only to wonder why I was suddenly careening at break-neck speed across a four-lane highway littered with 18-wheelers and inattentive teenaged girls attempting to ascertain their boyfriends' locations via text? That's a possible experience about which one has bad, bad nightmares, so I'm glad it didn't happen.
2. I am not working for Roadside Assistance. To be clear, I might be at some point. But TJ, my fabulous tire-changer, regaled us with the story of how he was in med school and then his wife had a baby and I was like, "Oh, this sounds familiar" (minus the med school part) and so he quit and then he worked for a bank and then his bank shut down during the economic downturn and now he's back in med school but it's not really med school it's dental school and whilst he's doing that he's changing tires and jump-starting cars all over the valley. So that could be me. Someday. But not today.
3. I COULD work for Roadside Assistance (at least the tire-changing division) were I to be so inclined. Seriously. At one point I was lying ON THE GROUND watching TJ jack up the car. Just ask Jeff. You don't waste that kind of opportunity, people. You never know when it might come in handy. I mean, one day I might be casually driving in LA and see Terrence J on the side of the road with a flat tire. And you better believe I'm pulling over. And changing the tire. And then he's taking me to dinner. And then out for cupcakes. And yes, I've thought this all the way through and no, I have no idea in what universe I live but I do like it there very much.
Just look at that gentleman! Now you want to learn how to change a tire, too, don't you? Like, just in case?
4. I didn't get abducted by aliens. Well, I didn't. And I feel like that would've had more of a long-term effect on my life than a flat tire. Just saying.
5. I got a new jewelry idea mid-tire-change. For real! I'm thinking of a line of charms that all say I CAN. Then, you'd have additional charms that state what you CAN do! This one would of course say, "Survive a flat tire." I feel good about it.